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Jagr declares “This isn’t my last decade playing hockey”

Brooklyn, NY

IB: Could this be the last postseason we see Jaromir Jagr light the lamp? Or shall I say, lack of the lighting of the lamp?

Jagr: Absolutely not. This isn’t my last decade playing hockey. I’ve consulted with various European physicians all agree that the Slovakian Barometric chamber will let me play into my mid 70s.

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IB: Whoa, Mid 70s?

Jagr: Correct, I plan on playing in every Olympic game until I’m in a wheelchair. Then I’d like to play in the para-olympics.

IB: That’s kind of rad. We’ve noticed you are haven’t really scored the last few post seasons you’ve played? Is there any reason for the decline?

Jagr: Well, I’ve been through Tinder Rehab twice in my career and its been very sobering to understand that one of my major issues is that women are obsessed with me.

While I may not be scoring on the ice, that’s not the case off the ice.

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IB: What are the off-season plans if the Panthers get bounced this week?

Jagr: For the last 3 off-seasons I’ve been producing a book dedicated to mullets from around the world. Last summer I spent intensive time outside of Nashville researching the Tennessean Mullet, which dates back to Civil War times.

CIRCA 1995: Left wing Jaromir Jagr of the Pittsburgh Penguins in 1995.  (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)
CIRCA 1995: Left wing Jaromir Jagr of the Pittsburgh Penguins in 1995. (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)

IB: So are you saying The Predators could be your next destination?

Jagr: I will not rule that out and can’t wait to formally meet the new Islander Ownership this off-season. I heard Ledecky is a big fan of my hair.

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